I was thinking about my perception of my past. When I go to Celebrate Recovery and listen to other people's stories, I am sometimes reminded of things that I have been through in my life. It is strange because sometimes it seems that they are things that I have forgotten about. Memories come back and I realize how much God has been caring for me my whole life. Even when I wasn't walking as closely with Him as I am now, He was still there. It makes me think of the Footprints poem - I didn't know it, but He was carrying me!
My first husband was not a very good person. He had some good qualities. He could be very generous, but only with certain people and only if he made the decision to be generous. He expected me to put up with many inconveniences - even though we could have afforded better. We lived for years in a mobile home that was in pretty rough shape. We talked about buying a nice double-wide, but he didn't want to spend the money on the land or the house. At the time, I was so let down that we couldn't have a nice home - but I know that was just another way that the Lord protected me. Things would have been so much more complicated at the time of our divorce if we had owned a home together! Toward the end of the time that we lived in the trailer - we had rats. Yes - I actually tolerated living in a place that had rats running around in it! I can't understand it. Why did I think so little of myself that I tolerated living in those conditions? I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. When his grand-daughter came to visit - she usually slept on the floor, but there was no way I would allow that - I made her sleep in the bed with us - and I don't even remember what excuse I gave her. I could just picture her waking up with a rat crawling across her! The really sad thing was that he didn't even think enough of his own grand-daughter to get us moved out of that awful place. I found a dead rat under the stove - I almost touched one when I reached into the cabinet under the sink - the disease ridden monster was sitting there - perched on a box of rat poison! Later, I think it was that day, I saw one run back the hall. I grabbed a baseball bat and was ready to take a swing. I was fed up! I prayed that we could move out and get into a decent home. I remember standing on the porch with the bat in my hand when he came home from work and I clearly remember him acting as if I was being unreasonable when I proclaimed that I would no longer live in a rat infested house. We had to find a place to move to. I don't remember how long it was before we moved - but we finally did.
The place we moved to was only better because it was a house - it had more room and wasn't falling apart - and it didn't have rats! The water had high concentration of sulfur and so it was yellow. I wouldn't drink it, and of course, I was ridiculous for that. The inside of the dishwasher was stained yellow and I had to go to the laundromat to wash white clothes, because they would get permanently stained white if I washed them in that water. The landlord wasn't willing to put in the equipment needed to correct the water and of course, my husband wasn't going to spend any money on it. At least we had water there - the source of water at the trailer was a spring - so any time that we didn't have enough rain - I had to be very careful with water usage - which meant - going to the laundromat because there wasn't enough water to run the machine at home.
Well - this depresses me...thinking about what I lived through - and wondering why I put up with it. But - I know that God saved me from all of that because he has a plan for me! I am now blessed to live in a nice house (although I am a terrible housekeeper so it's very cluttered!) with my wonderful - kind, thoughtful husband who will do anything he can to protect me and make sure I am safe and cared for!
God is good - all the time!
Be blessed,
Missy
My first husband was not a very good person. He had some good qualities. He could be very generous, but only with certain people and only if he made the decision to be generous. He expected me to put up with many inconveniences - even though we could have afforded better. We lived for years in a mobile home that was in pretty rough shape. We talked about buying a nice double-wide, but he didn't want to spend the money on the land or the house. At the time, I was so let down that we couldn't have a nice home - but I know that was just another way that the Lord protected me. Things would have been so much more complicated at the time of our divorce if we had owned a home together! Toward the end of the time that we lived in the trailer - we had rats. Yes - I actually tolerated living in a place that had rats running around in it! I can't understand it. Why did I think so little of myself that I tolerated living in those conditions? I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. When his grand-daughter came to visit - she usually slept on the floor, but there was no way I would allow that - I made her sleep in the bed with us - and I don't even remember what excuse I gave her. I could just picture her waking up with a rat crawling across her! The really sad thing was that he didn't even think enough of his own grand-daughter to get us moved out of that awful place. I found a dead rat under the stove - I almost touched one when I reached into the cabinet under the sink - the disease ridden monster was sitting there - perched on a box of rat poison! Later, I think it was that day, I saw one run back the hall. I grabbed a baseball bat and was ready to take a swing. I was fed up! I prayed that we could move out and get into a decent home. I remember standing on the porch with the bat in my hand when he came home from work and I clearly remember him acting as if I was being unreasonable when I proclaimed that I would no longer live in a rat infested house. We had to find a place to move to. I don't remember how long it was before we moved - but we finally did.
The place we moved to was only better because it was a house - it had more room and wasn't falling apart - and it didn't have rats! The water had high concentration of sulfur and so it was yellow. I wouldn't drink it, and of course, I was ridiculous for that. The inside of the dishwasher was stained yellow and I had to go to the laundromat to wash white clothes, because they would get permanently stained white if I washed them in that water. The landlord wasn't willing to put in the equipment needed to correct the water and of course, my husband wasn't going to spend any money on it. At least we had water there - the source of water at the trailer was a spring - so any time that we didn't have enough rain - I had to be very careful with water usage - which meant - going to the laundromat because there wasn't enough water to run the machine at home.
Well - this depresses me...thinking about what I lived through - and wondering why I put up with it. But - I know that God saved me from all of that because he has a plan for me! I am now blessed to live in a nice house (although I am a terrible housekeeper so it's very cluttered!) with my wonderful - kind, thoughtful husband who will do anything he can to protect me and make sure I am safe and cared for!
God is good - all the time!
Be blessed,
Missy
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